On our third day of vacation, we're sitting on the beach, just the three of us. We're a small family who has been coming to Panama City Beach, Florida for years. While we used to come with larger groups of family and friends, we haven't returned in seven years. It's unclear why things fell apart with the bigger groups. While we had some enjoyable times, it could be overwhelming trying to coordinate activities with so many people. But with just our small family of three, it's much easier to plan and enjoy our time together.
On May 23, 2024, we are enjoying the beach with the feeling of sand between our toes, the salty breeze in our hair, and the soothing sound of ocean waves. In the distance, I hear a young boy giggling as he playfully destroys sandcastles with his parents. This scene reminds me of my son Braxton, who had a fascination with dinosaurs at a young age and loved to stomp on sandcastles just like the boy I see now. I remember when we took him to Disney for his 10th birthday and he declared himself an "ocean person", much to our surprise and amusem*nt. Brian and I share a love for the beach, so it was no surprise that Braxton felt at home by the sea.
I find myself wondering where the time has gone as I watch Braxton and Brian tossing the football to each other in the ocean. Braxton's physical appearance has evolved, appearing more mature and manly. He has put in a lot of effort during the winter to bulk up for football, and I can see that his hard work has paid off.
I feel a sense of warmth in my heart as I watch, similar to how my body feels under the Florida sun. Just as the waves break, my heart also breaks as I must release the past and embrace the present. Isn't this what other mothers say about having a son? It's like experiencing the slowest breakup. I truly believe this to be true.
Braxton has been a real trooper on this vacation. While it might get a bit dull with just the three of us, I appreciate this time as it may be our final family trip before, he heads off to college next summer.
The word "cherish" pops into my head at this moment, followed by a tune with the lyrics "Cherish the thought of always having you by my side." It reminds me of Madonna's song "Cherish" and the music video with her in the ocean with a little boy. That's probably why my thoughts went in that direction.
I draw a lot of inspiration from movies, music, and music videos because I find them to be closely related to real-life experiences. One of the main reasons we returned to PCB was because of a promise I made to my mother before she passed away. She wanted me to take her back to her favorite place, where we spent so many years together during my youth, teen years, and adulthood with my family.
Memories of my mom spending time with Braxton as a young child on the beach came flooding back to him last night while we were playing putt putt. He remembered playing at the same putt putt course with Mimi and Papa. I also recall my mom telling the same story, but in her typical fashion, she shared about letting Braxton win the game and how she would also let him win at Connect Four, a game he loved playing with her at home.
My mom adored Brax deeply. She frequently shared reminiscences of their time together. These memories were a cherished aspect of her life, and they continue to be cherished within our family as we frequently discuss them and remember her.
This trip was planned to celebrate my mom's life and to fulfill her wishes. It is also a time for me to seek comfort and peace following her sudden passing. I hope to find solace, spend time with my family, and maybe even find the sand dollar I've been searching for the past 30 years. Hopefully, my mom, also known as Mimi, will grant my wishes from above. It's ironic that my mom's name was Sandy, considering how much she loved the beach.
